Hi Friends,
If you look at almost every book, show, or movie our kids consume, there is a clear, defining rite of passage.
In Star Wars, you transition from Youngling to Padawan to Jedi. In Warriors, you go from a Kit to a Paw. Even in Pokémon, there is a distinct path from apprentice to master. There is always a journey, a mentor, and a clear set of challenges a kid has to navigate to earn their next level of independence.
But in modern society? That concept is completely missing.
Instead of guiding our kids through a defined path to adulthood, we act as their concierges, financiers, and problem-solvers for 18 straight years. Then, we hand them a diploma, push them out the door, and wonder why there's a modern "failure to launch" crisis.
A few weeks ago, we were sitting in a Florida passport office. It was a long wait, and our 8-year-old, Hunter, was doing cartwheels and loudly announcing how bored she was. Our first instinct was to be annoyed that we hadn't packed a book or a "bag of tricks" to keep her entertained.
But then we realized something: Hunter had recently gone through a massive developmental step-change. She was showering alone, writing in a diary, reflecting on her behavior, and holding her own in adult conversations. She was no longer a little kid—but we were still managing her like one.
Instead of continuing to get frustrated over expectations we hadn't actually communicated to her, we decided to make the implicit explicit.
We sat down at our weekly family meeting and officially initiated her into what we are calling Adolescent Academy.
We mapped out a literal path with her, leaning right into the lore she already loves. We co-created a list of new capabilities and expectations across three areas: Herself, Our Family, and Society.
(For example: If you know we are going to a boring passport office, you now have the capability to pack your own book, or manage your boredom with composure).
But the biggest shift wasn't actually for Hunter; it was for us.
As the leaders of our family, we have to officially transition our style from Concierge to Mentor.
That means we have to actively look for things we need to stop doing.
We have to stop solving and start advising.
Because letting her fail at age 8 is incredibly cheap tuition compared to failing at age 25.
In this week’s episode of The Most Important Thing (TMIT 47), we break down this entire experiment. We share the Adolescent Academy framework, the exact conversation we had with Hunter, and how we’re learning that the hardest part of our kids growing up can sometimes be forcing our own identity to evolve, too.
Listen here:
🎧 Apple Podcasts
📺 Spotify
📺 YouTube
If you are noticing a "step change" in your kids and want to stop acting like their concierge, this conversation is for you.
Rite on,
Danielle & Greg
