Disagree and Commit

Why “Agree to Disagree” Doesn’t Fly in Our Family

Danielle & Greg Neufeld
November 24, 2025

We’re putting together a Q&A episode and want all of your burning questions! Anything you’ve been wondering about building family culture, leadership at home, or the messy, beautiful work of raising humans is fair game. Hit reply (or shoot us a text) and send us what you’re curious about, and we’ll weave as many as we can into the episode.

Hi friends,

This week, we’re talking about something every family faces: how to disagree without disconnecting.

And yes, “agree to disagree” is officially off-limits in our house. It ends conversations instead of strengthening them.

Here’s what we break down:

Why “agree to disagree” is lame. It seems diplomatic, but what it actually says is: “I’m done engaging. I’m done understanding. I’m done trying.” It’s emotional disengagement dressed up as wisdom, and it can teach our families that anything uncomfortable gets shut down here.
“Psychological safety”: This buzzword from Google’s research is often misconstrued (👋 “growth mindset”). Real safety isn’t about keeping things smooth. It’s about letting everyone speak honestly and knowing they won’t lose connection. As researcher Amy Edmondson says, “Silence is not safety. Safety is being able to speak the truth.”
Ideas for how to keep conflict focused on ideas rather than identity (easier said than done in our home, where name-calling is currently a competitive sport).
- But here’s why it’s worth trying: Disagreeing about ideas is how we learn. When we argue well, we think harder and expand our understanding. The trouble starts when the conflict shifts from ideas to people.
The risks of raising overly “agreeable” kids who equate compliance with kindness—and how that can leave them vulnerable, especially in the work force.
A family-friendly take on Amazon’s famous “disagree and commit” (we love this concept so much we want to get hats made).